I opened my own show at the art gallery down the street
It was my first such venture
It was a variety of charcoal sketches of my genitals
I had sketched myself over the harsh winter months
The show is called ‘Genital Moods’
Nobody came on the first day
Except my gay neighbor Ted
Ted hung out every day and all day
Klaus said that more people would have come
If I had films of him and his genitals
I told him this was art and not porn
He left in a huff
The police were going to shut us down for indecency
On the last day all my paintings sold
To Ted the gay neighbour
I think I may have to move
Ted made a sweater vest with my pictures
And he stands outside my apartment a lot
I’m worried my next show
Featuring water paints of me bathing pilgrim style
Might take Ted over the edge……

Seeing a new mother and her child is a beautiful scene
Seeing the love in her eyes
Seeing how much she cares
See the tender care she takes when touching her child
And then you get closer
And you smell child vomit
And see the little stains of the vomit on the mother’s blouse and skirt
And you smell diaper smells
And the baby has a runny nose
And a little bit of that baby acne
So really it’s not a pretty scene at all
It makes you wonder why we have children at all
Then I remembered how we make them
And then the mother screamed at me to back off and stop staring
And to stop trying to stroke her hair
Note to self:
Stay away from new mothers
They are wacky and unpredictable