I was standing on the street corner
The little girl beside me was holding her mothers hand
In her other hand was a balloon
The little girl was looking at the balloon and smiling
Then suddenly the wind blew
And balloon left her hand
She tried to grab it
But it was gone
She started to cry
I looked up and watched the balloon
As it lifted up into the sky
The girl was crying harder now
I started to walk, then run slowly
I suddenly had the urge to follow the balloon
I was running down the side walk
I crossed several streets and ran onwards
The balloon always in my sight
It went up
It went down
It just kept flying
Like it knew where it was going
I followed
Soon I was out of the city limits
Running thru fields and jumping fences
At one point I jumped on a horse
Following the balloon
A boat
A truck
Whatever means necessary
I followed
Thru forests
Across deserts
Over mountains
For how long I followed I don’t know
When I thought the balloon would never land
It finally did
I came over the hill
Where I was I did not know
But as I crested the hill
I saw to my amazement
A valley
A deep beautiful valley
Full of balloons
Acres of them
Balloons of every shape and every color
Acres and Acres of lost balloons
The balloon grave yard
I had found it
This is where every balloon that had ever been released came to rest
I sat exhausted
I stared at all the balloons
Their silence and beauty was awe inspiring
Then I looked down and saw safety pin in the dirt
And I picked it up
I smiled and looked at the balloons
It took me several days
But I got them all
Every single last one of them
Pop Pop Pop Pop
And I swore that I would return and find that little girl
And tell her that I found her balloon
And killed it for her
Because it broke free
And caused her to cry
I expect her mother will give me a reward
Maybe some money
Or they will invite me into their house
And we’ll have some juice and cookies
And after the mother tucks in the little girl to sleep
We’ll do the sexy in their screened gazebo

Being a grave digger isn’t all that bad
I work alone
I do my thing
I wait until the last of the grievers have left
Then I go to the grave
But before I start filling it in
I like to go down and open the coffin
And talk to the person
I like to sit and explain
About how it’s going to get really dark and quiet
But that I’ll be around
I sometimes stroke their hair
Or hold their hands
I don’t kiss them or anything
That would be weird
Then before I close up the coffin
I take all their jewelry and gold in their teeth
They don’t need it
They’re dead
Andy gives me cash for it all down at the pawn shop
So I’ve got a good thing going

It isn’t the physical act of sex that I find so exhilarating
It’s secret filming, editing and distributing
To strangers on the web that I love the most

I was standing on the platform
The train was leaving
She was leaving
We had a year of crazy love
She was everything to me
My heart was bursting with despair
She was going to the mountains
To a clinic
To help her with her speech impediment
Her ‘t’s always sounded like ‘s’s
The train started to move
I started to run with it
I could see her at the window
Watching me running
Her soul flooding with tears
I could see her mouthing my name over and over
Somas, Somas
Of course my name was Thomas and she always struggled with that
As the train started going faster and faster
I expected I’d drop off and she would be gone
But I realized that I was keeping up
I realized that the train was now going at full speed
And I was running along right beside it
People were noticing it
I realized something I had never realized before
I had super human speed
I could run as fast as the train!
People were now going crazy and taking pictures and videos
She was watching realizing that we would be together
As my speed was endless and I’d just run forever
I was thinking along a little different path
At this point I realized my potential for stardom
And that I was going to be a hero
‘The Flash’
And I slowed down and turned and ran like lightening back to the station
Forgetting about her
And realizing that fame and fortune awaited me
And soon my heart was bursting with anticipation
With the new people I was going to meet
And I’d soon be dating a supermodel
Who could pronounce my name the right way
She’ll be fine
Up there in the cold mountains
Her tongue twisting painfully in her mouth
Spitting out words with ‘t’s in them
Maybe we’ll cross paths again
If I go hiking in mountains with my supermodel friend ‘Theresa’
That would be fun

Leprechauns are the best
Because when you trap them
They always talk right away
You don’t have to use that much force or even heat up the fire for long
They just tell you what you need to know
That’s why I have a basement full of pots of gold
I could have retired long ago
But I love to hunt the little bastards
At first they are so cocky and happy and they dance the jig when they see you
And then they see the crossbows and the heavy throw nets
And they know it’s all over
They’re fast but with little feet like that you can only get so far
And you catch them and they think that after they talk
You’ll let them go
But the demand for their meat in some of the southern states
Makes them too valuable to release back to the wild

We were all down at the beach
Taking the day and just goofing around
Danny, Lonny, Terry, Billy, Suzie and I
Just goof’n and chill’n
Suzie was really flirting a lot with me
And Lonny almost killed himself playing among the big rocks
On the way home we stopped for ice cream floats
And we glided our bikes down the big hill
No hands on the handle bars
I waved goodbye to them all from the front porch
Invisible friends are the best
You don’t have to worry about inviting them in
And having to tell them why your dad is dressed like a woman
And why your mom never leaves the basement
And why your dog has human feet

We were at the county fair
I was stepping onto the roller coaster
I sat down and realized I was sitting beside Klaus Larkfield
He was trying to set the world record
For riding the coaster for the most consecutive days
He had one more day to go
58 days so far…58 long days
I buckled myself in and turned to Klaus
He turned and looked at me
His eyes were bloodshot
His hair was matted and full of bits of food, paper and dirt
His lips were chapped
His face puffy and sun burnt
He was having trouble focusing
‘One more day..’ he mumbled to me
And then he curled up into his blanket
The blanket smelt of old leaves and wet towels
I think I saw some blood in his ears
The ride started
I was excited
Up the long slope…slowly slowly
Klaus started to whimper a little
We seemed to stop just for a second at the top
It was almost as if we weren’t going to make it
But then we started to drop
Klaus let out a moan like a lion dying
We dropped at a tremendous speed
I raised my hands, exhilarated
Klaus’s head lolled back and forth
His mouth foaming at the edges
We whipped into a sharp right turn
I leaned into Klaus
He felt frail and broken under the blanket
And the smell of stale urine was suddenly very strong
58 days without leaving the seat
Klaus was a dedicated rider
His head snapped about wildly
I looked at him as I grasped the bar in front of me
Blood was pouring from his mouth
I think he must have bitten his tongue
Around the loop d’ loop
His face cracked on the safety bar
I heard his nose break
Around a severe a left turn and then violently up and down
We pushed on
His head fell on my shoulder
I pushed it away
Before we plummeted into an upside down twist
His left arm came out from under the blanket and flailed about wildly
It hit one of the support beams as we whipped into the tunnel
Suddenly back out into the light
I saw that his hand had been cut clean off
I looked back at the riders behind
They were oblivious to the shower of blood that had covered them
They were all screaming with delight
Up again..up…up…up
I looked over at Klaus
He was in a completely lost state
‘One ma ay’ he said trying to speak without his half his tongue
Then we started down again
He looked at his severed arm, trying to focus
He started to cry
‘Mu and mu and’ he yelled
I knew it was over
We had the double drop and twist to go
We hit it a full throttle
Klaus was not going to make it
His head slammed twice into the side of the metal seat
He was a bobble head doll gone crazy
I was just trying to hold on yet I was sickly fascinated with Klaus
We came to a jerky slow down
And the ride finally ended
Klaus was dead
There was no doubt
I covered him with the blanket
And got out when the operator lifted the safety bar
‘How’s the Klausman doing?’ he asked
‘He’s tired’ I said
And I walked away from the roller coaster
And gorged myself on candyfloss
Until I passed out behind the ferris wheel

There are times when you need to step up and be a man
And as that man you need to know when you need not step up
Millions of years of evolution has taught these skills
Like the other day
I went to pick up my son from school
When I arrived a noticed him surrounded by some older kids
They were pushing him around
And one of them emptied out his backpack
And then threw the pack over the fence
Then they grabbed my son and hoisted him up
And hung him from the fence by his underwear
After the group left on their motorbikes I got out of the car
Walked up to my son
‘Dad! Get me down’ he cried
I helped him
When he re-adjusted his pants
He looked at me
‘Why didn’t you help?’
He asked
‘I thought it was just a couple of your friends and you rough-housing around’
‘My friends don’t have mustaches and motorbikes Dad. I’m 11 years old’
He had a point but it’s at these times when I like to be silent and do very little
We got in the car
My son was crying quietly in the passenger’s seat
‘You could’ve helped me dad’ he said sniffling and wiping his tears
I turned on the radio and we listened to an advertisement about women’s hygiene products
As we drove I realized that this is what being a parent is about
Spending a little dad and son time
Just driving around and being together
And I knew that I had stepped up
Because if I hadn’t have been there
My son would still be hanging by his underwear on the fence
I started to laugh a bit
My son looked at me
‘Dad what’s funny about me being beaten up?’
I couldn’t tell him
I was imagining if we reversed the situation
And it was me being hung up on the fence
Only it would have been really weird
Because I was wearing my mothers underwear.
A habit I started after she passed away
We’ll talk about all this sometime in future
My son and I
But right now it’s best to just be quiet

Her whispers were still dancing my head
Her breath still hot on my shoulders
Our office trysts were thrilling for there intimacy and secrecy
She seemed to thrive on the danger
Her mood was always wild and unpredictable
As I watched her bound down the hall
She looked over her shoulder
Eating the banana I had given her
I think she was smiling
And later as I stood on the observation deck
And watched her with her companions
I knew that I made the right decision
Taking the job as the Director of the Primate Exhibit
At the city zoo
I also knew that I was an extremely disturbed man
With a hankering for Chimpanzees and office sex
But sometimes it’s just best to let fate play our its cards
And hope that one day what people see now as an abomination
They might soon see as something beautiful
I watched as she spun around in a tire hanging from the jungle gym
And I winked and waved
And wondered how my family was going to react
When I bring her home for the Christmas holidays

Yesterday I was out walking with my toddler
And we came upon a Rottweiler in park
My toddler immediately pounced on the dog
And thrashed it within an inch of its life
Of course the dogs’ owners were very upset
I may have to put my child down

Dear Susan
I hope this letter finds you well.
I just want to apologize for my behavior
I really thought our weekend at the little cottage
Was going to bring us closer together
I’m sorry about the little misunderstanding by the lake
I was just a little excited as I’d never spent a whole morning in my pajamas
And when you started running along the shore I thought you wanted me to chase you
And when we were wrestling I thought it was kind of like a role play game
And that it was a prelude to some sexual stuff
So I’m sorry about that
And I’m also sorry about the remarks I made about your job
I sometimes get a little mean when I’ve been drinking
It’s just that I’ve never dated a Ferris wheel technician before
And sorry for waking you up
I didn’t think I would have a ‘night terror’ episode
I should have told you
I usually don’t have them unless I’ve been really angry or used my num-chucks
right before bedtime
Good thing you moved or someone would be reading you this letter in the hospital
And don’t worry about my little ‘road rage’ thing on the way home
I haven’t done that in years
And there won’t be any charges
But lucky for me we exchanged addresses for insurance purposes
So I can get back at them in due time and not be suspected at all
So call me
I like to try once more
And I promise promise promise I won’t
Do that thing where I ask you punch me in the face as hard as you can
Love Trevor

Condoms or hand puppets?
Condoms or hand puppets?
That’s what I asked myself
When I was packing up my sports bag
For whichever item I chose to take with me
Would certainly effect which direction I would go
When I finished up at the gym
On this hot sweltering June night

They say that if you see cows lying down in the grass
That is going to rain
So I asked my mom when we drove by Klaus’s house
That if his dad was lying in the grass
Does that also mean it’s going to rain?
She said no
It just means he’s drunk again

I wanted to write a song for Tithwilla
She is beautiful
So wrote it and put it in her locker
It’s titled;
‘Nothing can come between us’
You are sexy
Really sexy
Sexy sexy sexy
I’d like to do
the sex with you
(chorus)
Nothing can come between us
But my penis
Nothing can come between us
But my penis
You are a hotty
You are a hotty hot hotty
(repeat chorus 26 times)
I’ve been suspended from school
Adults don’t understand
I’ll bet Tithwilla showed our home room teacher the song
To show how much I loved her and how she loved it
But adults always misconstrue young kids and their harmless actions
I may have to resort to my interpretive dance of the song
Out in front of the school during lunch
Then all will know the strength of love…

I was sitting by the big fire place
Warming my toes
Remembering
Trying to pull the memories
From a mind with little time left
My body old and broken
But still I can remember
Remember the good times in my life
Remember the bad times
Remember the loves of my life
Like Trudy
Yes I remember her
Making love on the shore of the Thames
Rising and drawing some carp in from the shallows
Smashing their heads with some sticks
Eating them
And then making love again
Or Sabina
The Sudanese Princess
We lay beside the great Nile
Making love
And then we netted some carp from the shallows
Smashed their heads
And ate them
And then made love again
Yes I was once a great man
With lovers in every corner of the world
The trade in blood diamonds
Makes for desperate times
Gundal
We lay beside the Amazon
The air so thick and hot
We made love
And then speared some carp from the slow current
Smashed their heads
And ate them
And then made love
I smiled, remembering
Thinking of life and its strange path
I thought of my lovers and of the carp I have smashed and eaten
And as I rose up on to my tired legs
And headed down to the creek
With my big wooden stick
I realized it was not the relationships in my life
Or the making of the love
That gave me great pleasure or defined me as a person
It was the smashing of the carp that did

I don’t think the world is going to end in a
Apocalyptic event of fire, chaos and anarchy
I think that someone will one day be walking
In a yet undiscovered jungle spot
And look down and see something that
Looks like a plug
They bend down and try to pick it up
It will stick for a second and then they’ll pull harder
It will pop up
And suddenly the earth will start flying around the universe
Like a balloon does just after you’ve blown it up
But your fingers slip
And it just goes nutso crazy flying around the room
That’s’ how I see the end
That’s why I’ve formed a group that fights against those
Who like adventure and the thrill of finding new insect species
Because it will be one those people that will see the plug
And they’ll pull at it because of their insatiable curiosity
That’s why I sit at home strapped in a big comfy chair
And a hockey helmet on…just waiting …just waiting
For someone to pull that plug…..

I was writing a childrens book
I called it ‘Sexy Island’
After a couple of hundred pages
I realized it wasn’t a childrens story at all
But a work of adult fiction
Full of sex and violence and women warriors who were naked a lot
I tried changing it a bit to appeal more to children
But I had a lot of scenes with group sex in them
And those scenes were essential to move the plot along
And when I tried to incorporate some cute animal characters
I found that I either killed them off in some horrible manner
Or they somehow got tangled up in the group sex scenes
So I’m not sure what to do with the book now that it’s finished
I gave it to Klaus's little brother to read
He really liked it
He asked a lot of questions
Especially about the scenes with group sex in them
And he thought it was a little too long
And he said he wouldn't buy it
As he'd rather spend his allowance on action figures
Maybe if I make it into a pop up book I can still capture some of the youth market?

I hate when you get on a plane
After a nice vacation in a developing country
And you look out your window as the plane is taking off
And you see a hand grasping the wing
It's only a hand but you know it's a stowaway
Someone trying to escape to a better life
And they have picked the wrong hiding spot under the plane
And they are trying to move to a better location
But the plane is going awfully fast and it must be getting cold
You watch as the fingers gripping begin to slip a little
As the tiny island becomes a speck on the horizon
But then the stewardess taps you on the shoulder and
asks if you'd like a complimentary beverage
You receive your drink
And as you take your first sip you look back out the window
and the hand is gone...
But it's okay, you had a good trip and you've got some great pictures to show friends

There is nothing so beautiful
As watching the sexual relations of two consensual adults
But there is nothing as thrilling
As watching those adults from the closet
Right beside the bed
And slowly reaching out
And tickling one of their bottoms
With a large fireman’s glove
And watching them jump all about in a panic
As you run from the room
Laughing manically with your pig mask on

‘How can you leave me?’
I screamed
‘Stay just a little longer’
I pleaded
‘Tell me you love even though you don’t mean it’
I begged
‘Tell me I’m your favorite even if I’m not’
I whined
‘Spoon me until I fall asleep…and the tears stop’
I groveled
‘Tell me please that you love me, just say it!!’
I wept
‘You can’t leave my house until I say so’
I wailed
And then she opened the door
I watched out the window
Crying
As she got in the taxi for those people who need special assistance
I was angry and despondent when I went to bed
They just don’t make grandmothers like they use to….

It was the day of my sexual awakening
It was beautiful
She was gentle
And she was quiet
I think she was as excited as I
As we lay together
A tangled web of limbs and whispers
I knew there would be more moments like this
Then my father burst in the door
And he turned on the lights of the storeroom
My nakedness startling him
Her nakedness startling him
‘What’s going on here?’ He shouted
I fumbled about for my clothing
Trying to hide my adolescent body and get dressed at the same time
She lay peacefully quiet, seemly immune to my father’s presence
‘My God Son, this is an abomination! And here in my store!’
I couldn’t say anything; love has no language, the heart can’t speak for itself
So I chose to remain silent
‘You’re sick..what am I going to tell your mother?’
He was fuming
‘She should be in the sporting goods section? Not here in the storeroom!’
He moved towards her and picked up some of her discarded clothing
‘And these, these are from the Women’s casual summer wear collection….’
He picked up her intimate garments that only minutes ago I so gracefully removed
(Although I did struggle with the brassiere snaps and had to use my teeth to unclasp them)
‘And these are from the lingerie department!’
‘They’re ruined..I can’t sell these to anyone…’
I was dressed now
Trying to look defiant to impress Mosha
I wanted to cover her up
Her white skin glowing in the fluorescent light
My father grabbed Mosha by the ankle, jerked her up to the standing position
Her head spun around several times until it was it was facing backwards
And her black wig fell to the ground
Her plastic bald head looking so vunerable
Mosha’s face was next to his
For a moment I thought she might kiss my father
Mosha was reckless like that
Then he turned and walked back into the store
Mosha’s white bottom, the last thing I saw before the door closed
I knew she wouldn’t get far
She’s be in the sporting goods department
Dressed in hip waders, a hat full of lures
and staring out over the kayaks and archery equipment
It was okay
I was going to be closing up tonight
And Mosha and I would meet up
We’ll be lovers once again
I have already eyed some attractive lounge wear she would look quite fetching in
(I may not go the trouble of picking out a brassiere this time)
And we’ll put today behind us
I’ll fix her neck so it won’t spin around again…that is a little disturbing to see
And simply let love guide us on our path of togetherness

Today’s sports heroes and superstars
Know that it’s not all about the hard work and dedication
And who wins or loses the game
It’s all about whom they can have sex with after the match

Personals:
Hello
I’m a 38 year old single male
I’ve recently found myself alone and I’m looking for company
My mother died (not by my hands! That’s a joke. LOL)
So I’ve got the house to myself
And I think it’s time get out more and find a companion
Of course my mother and I had the cats for companionship
But now that she is gone I’ve gotten rid of them
Threw them in a sack and drowned them in a pond
(I didn’t do that! That was joke! LOL)
They all have gone to loving homes
I like the outdoors, but not all the time
I don’t like it when it’s too windy
I tend to get blown away like leaves down the street
(That’s a joke…some people find me extraordinarily thin and say that might happen to me..as if…LOL)
I like music
Especially music by Gypsies
Their music frees the soul
And makes you glad you are free
And they are behind bars where they should be
Because they like to steal things from you
And get you drunk and have there way with you
That never happened to me ….it happened to other personality, Roger
(That was a joke, I don’t have split personality, honestly, you can even ask Roger… LOL)
I like long walks along the hydro lines
And laughing over stupid things that are inappropriate
And only funny to you and the person you’re drunk with
And you’re watching someone else try and struggle free from their duct tape bonds
(That was a joke..I would never tie anyone up with duct tape…unless they asked me too…LOL)
So call me, or text me or check out my Facebook page
I can’t believe the Facebook censors let my pictures get thru
(just kidding…they aren’t that bad as long you don’t mind body hair…LOL)
My password for contacting me is
“Mr. Sexalot’
(that was a joke…that’s not my password..LOL)
It’s
‘Manta Ray 5 Golden Warrior’
I look forward to you meeting with you

The Alien spacecraft was taking me back to earth
It had been a remarkable ride
They had nabbed me while I was taking the garbage out
And they’ve held me ever since
Flying around the galaxy and visiting planets and meeting other alien creatures
Gunda was my companion
Gunda was responsible for me
Gunda took care of me
Now she was sad I was going back
One of her long black tentacles reached out and touched my lips
Another tentacle was stroking my hair
Another was holding my waist
And yet another was gratifying me sexually
This was a common scene played out several times during my adventure
She ( I don’t really know if Gunda was a she or a he or an it, it didn’t matter)
I just like to think she was a she
It has helped me get thru any feelings of guilt or shame
She made that guttering little laughing sound like a moped stalling
I think she was enjoying the moment
As was I
I could see earth coming into view
I could feel Gunda’s tentacles working my body like a finely trained masseuse
Some of her many eyes were looking into mine
Several others were jiggling about crazily
And yet others were staring off at earth
‘Oh Gunda I will miss you’
I whispered
And then I blacked out and woke up on my front lawn
Often I find myself staring up at the black sky
Wondering where Gunda was and what she was doing
And I go back inside and take one of my pet Octopus’s out
And continue to attempt to train them to do what Gunda did to me
Often with catastrophic or hilarious results
Am I a lucky man or a cursed one?
It seems it all depends on the mood of my pet Octopus…..

Driving down a lonely stretch of Afghanistan road
It’s a tough life but it’s a war and these are the things you do
We see a person walking at the side of the road
He’s carrying a load of goods on his head
Jeb up on top of the Humvee starts firing the 50 caliber
All around the dirt at the man’s feet sprays up
He drops his goods in a panic and he starts to flail his arms about
Just like they always do
And then he starts that funny panicky dance trying to avoid the bullets
And then he runs and Jeb keeps firing until the man stumbles and falls
Just like they always do
And then we drive on but not before Jeb yells out some ethnic slurs
Nothing really bad…fun stuff, just to let the guy know we were just goofing around
God it’s a good life being a solider
It’s moments like these that you’re glad you gave up your job working with the blind kids
And joined the army….

Christmas with the family was always interesting
In the old one room cabin
Deep in the dark dark forest
A good day’s snowshoe in
Dad loved the place
Mom hated it
She sat in the big chair
And fired the pump action pellet gun
Over and over again into the big fireplace
Sparks and chips of stone flew at every shot
Dad would start to drink or sniff gasoline
Then he would get out his old grey sweater
And begin swinging it around
And Thunder, our German Shepard
Would bark and bark
And finally get his teeth into the sweater
And Thunder and Dad would play tug of war
All around the cabin
Dad yelling out ‘Pull you bastard pull!’
Mom would then start shooting randomly around the place
Shattering glasses, pottery and picture frames
Then somehow Dad would suddenly became pant-less
And Thunder would be pulling at his genitals
And Dad would be yelling
‘Pull you bastard pull!’
Then Mom would scream
‘Frank! Not in front of the children!’
And my sister and I would start to cry
And we’d just cry and cry in the candle light
And watch the scene play out
It would all end when Mom would shoot Thunder
In the hind leg with the pellet gun
And he’d yelp and run to the corner
And she would do the same to dad
And he’d yelp and run to the corner
His lap a bloodied mess
And he’d start to laugh or cry
We couldn’t tell
A sad and pathetic sound
And my sister and I would still cry until we slept
And all would be quiet
Until the next night
When it all played itself out all over again
Every night
Until the holidays were over

T’was the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse
That’s because Santa’s bloated corpse lay grotesquely sprawled across the lounge room floor.
Santa forgot to check under the logs in the fireplace for spiders and an angry poisonous Red Back gave him a nasty bite.
As Santa tried frantically to crawl back up the chimney, he quickly lost control of his movements
The venom sprinted through his veins
The all knowing symptoms of nausea, vomiting, blurred vision and frothing at the mouth were all too clear for poor fat Santa
His bloodied finger tips scraped at the chimney wall as he frantically called up ‘Donner, Blitzen….the anti venom kit!’
But it was all too late
Morning came.
The heat comes on early in the tropics and an old corpse gathers many flies quickly.
Little Lilly Spotsbam, just a toddler, walks into the lounge, her stuffed bear clutched to her chest.
The smell is horrific
Santa’s lifeless eyes stare blankly at Lilly
Lilly spends most of her childhood in and out of institutions and has difficulty dealing with people….especially during the Christmas season.