It was Klaus’s grandmothers’ funeral
She had been a wonderful woman
A beacon of light amongst the ‘shit’ of the world
Klaus’s dad once said
The funeral home was packed
Klaus and I sat side by side
Klaus had been close to her
But Klaus and I had made a pact last year
It was an oath that we swore on until our deaths
The deal was that whenever we were together
And we heard Michael Jackson’s song Thriller
We had do the dance from the video
No matter where we were
You know the one where they are all zombies
We practiced for days so that we knew it by heart
Everyone was quiet at the funeral
Staring at the open casket
Then someone’s cell phone went off
The ring tone was Thriller
Klaus looked at me
A look of panic in his eyes
Then his faced changed
It was the understanding of our oath and what it meant
We stood
And we danced the Thriller dance
We ‘do be doo be dooed’ the melody and zombie danced
No one knew what to do
The cell phone wasn’t even playing anymore
It was just us dancing beside the coffin
And everyone watching
We finished and sat down
We were both calm as it was something that had to done
I didn’t see Klaus for a few months after that
Some say he went away to camp
Some say he was sent to the army
Some say he went to a special hospital for ‘funky kids’
My guess was that Klaus must have fallen and bumped his head after the funeral
Because now he has a big scar that runs across his forehead
Now Klaus just stares at the trees in his back yard
And he drools a lot
Looks like I’m on my own next time I hear Thriller!

I’m a battery just off the shelf
I’m fully charged and ready to power
I’m an eagle soaring over the mountains
I’m a bullet shot from a gun
I’m a super hero who can’t be killed….
I’m all that I want to be….
Being all that I can be is really being
I am all that I want to be
And be that as it may I’m really trying to be me
But being me is hard
But it’s still all me
Now I’ve confused myself
Talking about being me and all that I can be
And I’m standing in the sink
And the dog is barking at me from the kitchen floor
And the dog is wearing a bonnet that I think I put on it earlier
When I was playing a make believe game I made up
Where the dog was my girlfriend and I was solider back from the war
With a terrible secret to tell
But Tawny (my Terrier/girlfriend in the bonnet) just wanted to dance and not listen to my terrible secret
So Tawny and I just danced around and around the kitchen
Me holding her two front paws like I would a young maidens
Her bonnet so beautiful in the afternoon light
I can’t remember what happened next but I think I insisted that Tawny
Listen to my terrible secret and I think I shook Tawny a bit
And she bit me…..and I got scared and jumped into the sink
So that’s my day…..I guess I’m not really anything
But a complete loser standing in the kitchen sink

You know that Youtube video
The one where they get four cell phones
Put a kernel of popcorn in between all the phones
Then simultaneously phone the cell phones at once
And the kernel pops!
Well we did the experiment with Klaus
We put his head in between the phones
And then made our calls, 15 of us
And 15 phones all around Klaus’s head
Klaus was laughing and laughing
So were we
We had all had a little too much to drink
Then I noticed a little trickle of blood
Coming out of Klaus’s ear
He was still laughing
Then he pretended to be talking in tongues
I wasn’t sure he was pretending
And then his nose started to bleed
The phones kept ringing
His eyes got all bulgy
He looked worried
And then he passed out
We were all really scared
But Cindy phoned her dad
He knows some people who harvest organs from people declared brain dead
And they sell the organs to a business conglomerate in Latin America
So the whole night was less of downer than we thought it was going to be