I hate when you get on a plane
After a nice vacation in a developing country
And you look out your window as the plane is taking off
And you see a hand grasping the wing
It's only a hand but you know it's a stowaway
Someone trying to escape to a better life
And they have picked the wrong hiding spot under the plane
And they are trying to move to a better location
But the plane is going awfully fast and it must be getting cold
You watch as the fingers gripping begin to slip a little
As the tiny island becomes a speck on the horizon
But then the stewardess taps you on the shoulder and
asks if you'd like a complimentary beverage
You receive your drink
And as you take your first sip you look back out the window
and the hand is gone...
But it's okay, you had a good trip and you've got some great pictures to show friends

There is nothing so beautiful
As watching the sexual relations of two consensual adults
But there is nothing as thrilling
As watching those adults from the closet
Right beside the bed
And slowly reaching out
And tickling one of their bottoms
With a large fireman’s glove
And watching them jump all about in a panic
As you run from the room
Laughing manically with your pig mask on

‘How can you leave me?’
I screamed
‘Stay just a little longer’
I pleaded
‘Tell me you love even though you don’t mean it’
I begged
‘Tell me I’m your favorite even if I’m not’
I whined
‘Spoon me until I fall asleep…and the tears stop’
I groveled
‘Tell me please that you love me, just say it!!’
I wept
‘You can’t leave my house until I say so’
I wailed
And then she opened the door
I watched out the window
Crying
As she got in the taxi for those people who need special assistance
I was angry and despondent when I went to bed
They just don’t make grandmothers like they use to….