I joined the debating club at school

Our first debate was about Globalization and Third World Debt

When it was my turn to debate I began pantomiming my ideas

It didn’t go over well with the chair of the debate

She told me to start talking or leave the debate

I pantomimed loading and aiming a slingshot at her

She said I was spoiling the whole debate for everybody

I pantomimed a good cry

She got really flustered

And finally she got up and left

I turned to my fellow debaters and bowed

And then I pulled myself out of the room on an invisible rope

Next morning in first class I got called down to the office

I didn’t go

They called me again during second period

I didn’t go

I knew eventually they’d come to get me

I was ready with my electric chair pantomime

I always wanted to be a sniper

Sneaking around

Nobody knows I’m there

I’m trained to kill

I’m a man of mystery

A girl in every city

Mr cool sniperman

That would be me

And I’d always wear no pants when I was shooting

That would be my trademark

But now that I’ve been thinking about it

No one would know that I had no pants as I’m always alone

I’ll have to get a sidekick

He (or she..that would be uncomfortable!) would spread the word around

Yeah, Mr Coolsniperman who takes his pants off before he shoots

I’ll just have to get more comfortable with outdoor nudity

I took myself out to dinner

Then I went home

And gave myself the date rape drug

And then undressed myself in an inappropriate manner

Before I passed out

I woke up naked and disorientated the next morning

I called the police

They came over and questioned me

When I finished the telling the details

The cops told me I was a complete idiot

And to stop wasting their time

They left

But not before I put a ‘kick me’ sign on one of their backs

I watched out my window as they walked to their car

The one cop suddenly kicked the other in the arse

The other cop turned angrily

They began to argue

Both pulled out their guns and they shot at each other

Both fell to the ground, mortally wounded

I thought of calling the cops but that would have been redundant

So I lay down and started to cry

Wondering how the sequence of the events over the last 12 hours

Had led to me becoming the victim

My friend Klaus was going on and on yesterday
He said he wanted to die in his car looking out at the ocean
He said that would be the best way to go
So we drove down to the water
And I shot him
I know you think that's a bit extreme
But Klaus is like my third or fourth best friend
So don't worry about me
I've still got some guys to hang out with

Some people say that men don't think with their brains
But with their penis's
I disagree
If men thought with their penis's
They would always be pulling their trousers down when asked a question
I think it would be inappropriate if my mother in law asked me;
'could you count the change on the counter over there?'
And I removed my pants to let my penis calculate the amount
So that really negates the theory
Although.. if you asked me to count the number of cheerleaders
playing in the swimming pool...
My theory could back fire.......