Swingers Party

My wife and I didn’t know it was a swinger’s party
I was looking for the bathroom when I opened the wrong door
There to my surprise were Sandy Wise and Duncan Davis
On the lounge room floor in the position my wife and I fondly refer to as
‘The broken Ferris wheel’
And behind them twisted in amongst the art deco furniture
Were Mary Soudan and Marty Hillsdale
In the position my bowling buddies and I like to call ;
‘Stop the rain’
I was shocked
I was now concerned
The night was still young
I closed the door
I was not a swinger
And although my wife and I had a healthy sexual relationship
It was always in private
And I never had the heart to tell her that
I could only perform if Geronimo our German Sheppard
was licking my toes at the end of the bed during our lovemaking
It was unlikely that tonight things were going to be in private
And unlikely they would allow me to go home to get Geronimo
I passed Shirley Tate, the local crossing guard
She was wearing nothing but her reflective vest
I smiled a nervous smile
She licked her lips and waved her little yellow flag across the front of my trousers
I quickly ran and found the bathroom and locked the door
My options were limited
Go back downstairs and just wing it
And hope that someone would lick my toes when it came to ‘game time’
Or start a fire and burn the house to the ground
And never go to a neighborhood party again
When the fire trucks left and we said our goodbyes
I realized that I was a swinger but a different kind of swinger
I was a man of action an action swinger
I needed to get out a jam and I did
And when we got home and retired to bed
I left the bedroom door ajar, just enough for Geronimo
To be able to get in when I needed him